FateOne-shots Galore
by InDeathWeLaugh
Summary: Set in a modified Fate/kaleid liner PRISMA ILLYA join the hilarious antics of the Emiyas! Enjoy thier crazy lives! Shirous bad luck with girls and visiting with their crazy family friends the Tohsakas, Kotomines and, the various servants! who happened to be along the way! Kiritsug x Irisviel Shriou x ERYONE!


Another morning in the Emiya household was just about to begin with its usual members beginning their day. Kiritsugu stirred his eyes opening to a curtain of white hair his wife was sleeping soundly as he spooned her light body against his. Lifting himself carefully he smiled as he watched his wife Irisviel smile as she slept soundly probably having one of her dreams that no doubt she would impose on them. Sighing he kissed her cheek and she snuggled into the sheets further sighing happily. Kiritsugu proceeded to the shower and took a quick cold shower to start off his morning. The cold water woke him up and gave him renewed energy finishing his morning routine he put on a dark purple button up shirt and some dress pants with black socks. Making his way downstairs he rolled his sleeves up and started to cook something he did when home and had the free time to spare.

Illya woke up stretching smiling as she felt rather well rested this morning. Stretching she rolled her shoulders and got up gathering her things she went to the bathroom to start her morning routine. Exeting the bathroom she saw her mother stepping out of her room already dressed and full of energy as always. "Ah morning mama!" she smiled brightly and hugged her mother who returned with all the joy a mother could share.

"Ah morning Illya-chan! Another wonderful morning" she hugged her daughter before both made their way downstairs. As both of them reached the downstairs the smell of food hit their noses and they rushed to find Kiritsugu in the kitchen. Pots and pans about and plates set at the table Kiritsugu in a simple white apron was cooking food.

"Yohoo~ Kiritsugu could you be cooking western breakfast today?" his wife placed her hands on his strong shoulders peeking over. Clapping her hands Illay smiled.

"Haaa? Papa are you making eggs and beacon!" she said gleefully at the thought. Smiling Kiritsugu moved aside and showed the sizzling bacon eggs and bread placed on a heating pan to warm it up. Irisviel clapped her hands.

"Ah wonderful!" soon after the rest of the house inhabitans made their way downstairs Shirou and the Lesyritt and Sella. Again the more serious sella told her master to let her do the cooking to which he waved her off saying he enjoyed doing so every once in a while. Table sat the family sat down to a noisy breakfast.

"Itadakimasu the family said in Japanese" before starting the meal. Well almost as Kuro ran her way down.

"H-hey why did nobody wake me! Ah papa you cooked!" she said excitedly.

"Yep. Western breakfast for today" he pulled the chair to his right not occupied out. Kuro beamed and sat down before starting to eat. The meal was filled with conversation and trouble as Sella once more berated Shirou who took it in stride while Kuro and Illya tried to defend their 'Oni-chan' from Sella. With breakfast done Sella and Lesyritt began dishes while the rest of the Emiya family sat on the living room being a weekend they seemed to be thinking of what to do.

"Hmm eh old-man what should we do?" Shirou started before Kiritsugu grabbed his head and squeezed making Shirou grab the hand trying to pry his head free.

"Old man huh?" Kiritsugu said rather void of emotion only making Shirou grin weakly.

"Ouch, ouch, ouch, haha…come on j-just a joke eh?" he grinned. Kiritsugu let go.

"Ah Oni-chan" Illya said lifting her arms grinning rather weakly not sure what to do as the nursed his forehead with Kiritsugu's hand print on it.

"Ah I know why we don't go to the park!" Irisviel clapped her hands utterly oblivious (or chose to ignore) the aggression against her adopted son.

"S-sure" Illya said sighing.

"Yeah okay" Kuro said.

"Hm" Kiritsugu made the-none committal sound but agreeing none the less.

"Sure" Shirou shrugged.

"Snacks?" Lesyritt said.

"Is that all you think about? Haaa I can make a basket" Sella said turning back to the Kitchen.

"Oh come on Illya-chan, Kuro-chan let's help!" the three girls Kuro the less willing were pulled by Irisviel to the kitchen to help Sella. They knew better than to try to sway Irisviel from anything when her mind was set. Kiritsugu stood and motioned for Shirou to follow him "Come on lets go set the car up…gods save us if Iri decides she wants to drive" he muttered both men shuttered.

"I heard that~" Irisviel said from the kitchen in a sing song voice the smile never leaving her face.

"I love you too" Kiritsugu only called back making the household occupants laugh. Outside Kiritsugu opened the garage opening the trunk to their expensive Ashton Martin Shriou and Kiritsugu cleared the trunk. As they unloaded some boxes Shirou noticed something on the tarp that covered the spare tire it was lifted a bit from its usual flat placed tarp. Shirou reached to lift the tarp when Kiritsugu over his shoulder said rather casually.

"What are you doing?" Shirou stiffened.

"Eh this is sticking out so I wanted to see why?" he said.

"I see…just leave it like that" he said waving him off.

"It's fine really dad I can fix…it" Kiritsugu stared at him and Shirou rolled his eyes sighing.

"Arlight, alright sheesh…just trying to help" he said backing off. Kiritsugu smiled in his usual manner patting his head.

"I know kid but try not to help people who don't need it" Kiritsugu said before walking up and leaning against the car. Reaching into his left pocket he produced a lighter and from his breast pocket a cigar box giving the box one shake the butt of one cigar poked out. Taking it with his lips he flicked the lighter on and took a slow drag. Shirou leant on the car next to him hands in his pockets.

"You know you shouldn't smoke like that it's bad for your health" Shirou said.

"It helps keep the jitters away besides nothing a quick regenerative spell doesn't fix" Kiritsugu shrugged off. Shirou shook his head at that statement.

"Ah you're a bad example for your kids you know that" Shirou grinned.

"I prefer to think of myself as a perfect role model who shows the good and bad of things" Kiritsugu grinned sighing the smoke out. Shirou only chuckled before pushing himself off the car as the door to the house opened and out walked the Emiya women. Irisiviel held a basket Sella a cooler and Leysritt another basket while Kuro and Illya held a blanket and box.

"What's in the box?" asked Shirou.

"That's a surprise~ Irsiviel said in a sing song voice. After stuffing the trunk and everyone made for the doors Kiritsugu and Irisviel both reached for the door of the driver's seat. Everyone tensed Kiritsugu determined stared his wife down while Irisviel did not falter in her smile and opened her palm.

"Keys please dear" she said not asked. Shirou seemed to beg him and Sella was staring with notable fear at Irsiviel. _Everyone is counting on me damn I just need to…yes offcourse beat her at her own game. _Kiritsug smirked and lifted his hand from the door handle. Taking a step back reached to his lip and exhailed his last puff away from his wife and family. Grabbing a small cylindrical container from his back pocket he slid the top to the side and dropped his cigar inside before shutting it with a click. Placing the cylinder back on his pocket Kiritsugu thrust his fist forward and everyone gasped. Kiritsugu was mad was he truly going to? Iirsivle smiled confidently and thrust her fist forward just a few inches apart they stared down at each other.

"Whoa…papa is so brave challenging mama" Kuro said in bewilderment. For some reason a tumble weed rolled past their front driveway. Shirou pointed at it but was ignored except Sella who hit him upside the head and told them to watch as the two masters of the housed dueled. Finally Kiritsugu pulled his fist back and Irisviel did so as well. Both thrust their fist's forward and announced with challenge in their voice.

"Rock!" Kiritsugu.

"Paper!" Irisviel.

"Scissors!" Kiritsugu. Their hands almost met at the middle.

"GO!" both exclaimed and revealed their weapon of choice! Illya gasped amazed Sella was left speechless Shirou looked away shoulders sagging. Kiritsugu's eyes widen…he should have expected this he supposed Illya felt her heart sink and Kuro cheered for Irisviel. Kiritsugu narrowed his eyes as he thought his defeat his hand laid open and flat his wife held her pointer and index finger out forming scissors. _No that couldn't be possible…he saw her hand motion perfectly as she thrust her fist forward she kept it tightly closed…I made sure to keep mine closed only snapping my hand open by controlling my innate time at the last second._

_***Flashback***_

_**Kiritsugu thrust his fist forward and his eyes watched his wife's fist closed perfectly. He smirked inside his mind before he chanted in his mind. **_

"_**Time Alter: Double Accel!" in a quick second burst his hand snapped open only to be met by his wife's fingers.**_

_Wait…no I see! _Kiritsugu thought his eyes wide and Irsiviel pulled her hand back and held it before her laughing in her glee.

"Haha I see you underestimated me Kiritsugu but I knew your strategy from the first second you pulled back. So I just poured prana into my eyes so I can better see the magic travel through your magic circuits when I saw your eyes travel to my hand I knew victory was mine" Irisviel smirked. Kiritsugu gasped before smirking and spreading his hands in defeat.

"I see to be expected I married the great Irisviel Von Einzbern it's to be expected" he unconsciously stepped forward.

"But off course though if I hadn't remembered your time crest victory would have been yours. To be expected after all I married the man who managed to capture my heart" Iri took as step forward. Kiritsugu felt his knee touch the cement floor his right hand went up and held her outstretched one.

"I had to win my princess heart I could not have allowed myself to deny such worldly pleasure" Kiritsugu said as he placed a soft kiss on her knuckles Irisviel smiled gently her free hand slid through his messy hair.

"I could deny it myself you are the man I fell in love with after all" Irisviel said as she stroked his cheek gently before he stood and she held his slightly scruffy cheeks as she leaned up to him. Kiritsugu wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed his wife lovingly. Irsiviel sighed into her husband's mouth as they kissed. Meanwhile the spectators looked on confused.

"Wait hold on…who won?" Shirou said. Kuro shrugged confused while Sella blushed looking away from her mistress and master. Sella…she ate from a bag of chips she sneaked from the basket while everyone was staring at the now lovely display…if albeit confusing manner they got there.

"I'm pretty sure mama won but…I just don't know" Illay sighed. Kiritsugu and Irisviel parted and he took the keys from his pocket and offered them to Irsivel who to everyone's shock denied them and let Kiritsugu drive. Though they all let a breath out in relief t being spared Irisviel's driving. Piling into the car the Emiya family drove out the entire way Irisviel hugging Kiritsugu's arm while the former Magus-Killer doted on his wife indulging her with plenty attention. The drive was short as they made it to Fuyuki's local park setting up the Emiya family blanket down everyone sat and ate snacks and drank refreshments brought in the cooler. After the snack Irisviel called for their attention and brought forth the box she said was a 'surprise' everyone crowed around it Kiritsugu leaning on his hand propped up against his folded legs.

"Now to unveal...Irisviel's surprise fun game box of death!" She said excitedly thrusting a fist in the air" everyone made an exasperated noise and backed off a little at her sudden outburst.

"D-Death?" Sella said confused.

"To be expected" Shirou said jokingly only earning a punch from Sella to his face.

"He never learns" mutters Kiritsugu shaking his head.

"Are there any prizes? If so I hope they are snacks" Lesyritt said.

"Mama you death? I hope you don't do anyting dangerous." Illya said.

"Death is the fun part!" Kuro sadi smirking at Illya.

"Now for the first game! Kick the can!" Irisviel produced an empty can from the fun box.

"That's the one where you kick the box and hide correct Mistress?" Sella asked for clarification.

"Yeah but! I added a little twist!" she said with a glint to her eyes everyone (except Kiritsugu) shivered at that last part. He was expecting it the second she announced the game.

"W-what did y-you change mama" Illya said dread pulling in the pit of her stomach. In her mind everyone thought the same thing…once more Kiritsugu being the sole exception. _Please don't be stripping clothing. _Irisviel only laughed waving their concern off.

"We will be playing in teams!" she said making everyone sigh in relief.

"How do you play this in teams Iri" Kiritsugu asked himself confused.

"That's easy! We will be separating into three teams Kiritsugu and me. Kuro-chan and Illya-chan! And Sella, Shirou and Lesyritt!" she explained with her usual smile.

"A-alright but no base guarding!" Shirou exclaimed already getting into his 'game mode.' Everyone nodded agreeing.

"Alright! First round team of the beautiful goddess and her faithfull servant! Against the dissenting servants!"

"Huh?" Shirou said.

"Iri and me versus you guys" Kiritsugu explained as he rolled his shoulders and neck earning a satisfying pop.

"Ha you're not fun~" Irisviel waved Shriou off.

"Why are we servants of any kind? I thought we were just playing kick the can jeez" Shirou mumbled as they prepared. Shirou had been chosen to kick the can the young man put the can down and prepared himself to kick it.

"Hah you're going to regret not banning magic" Shirou said. Irisviel looked at Kiritsugu grinning at her husband. He only shook his head shrugging.

"We will see dissenting servant you will feel you goddess punishment once you fail she said with a sly grin. Everyone froze

"W-what? Mama you never said anything about punishment" Kuro said this. She still remembered that 'punch' Irisviel used to knock her out once.

"I didn't?" she said through her smile innocently with a finger to her chin as she cocked her head to the side.

"Well punishment is required for those who have displeased their goddess! You can't possibly mean you would expect less! My dark knight off course will handle the punishment." Everyone seemed to feel more at ease at that. Kiritsugu was reasonable after all.

"I wouldn't sigh if I where you ive been instructed by our lovely goddess to punish you on the most…intimate of ways" he said a dangerous glint to his eye as he smirked everyone felt a sudden chill go up their spine…except Irisviel she felt a bit more of a prima thrill…but alas later once they returned to their bedroom.

"Shirou! Make sure you send that can out of this park!" Sella suddenly demanded with a pale face. With determination Shirou backed up. Turning to Kiritsugu Irisviel placed her hands on his chest and a thin blue glow was placed on his body. Shirou closed his eyes and concentrated as he called on his prana to reinforce his leg muscles.

"HAAAAA!" Shirou yelled with full vigor and ran at the can.

"You have ten seconds of fast regeneration" Irisviel said nodding to Kiritsugu he nodded and Kiritsugu in a ready stance. He watched Shirou run at the can and he chanted just at the right time as Shirou got closer to the can.

"Time Alter" Kiritsugu said. Shirou kicked the can and it…. exploded wide open the thin metal warped around his shoe. Everyone stared at the can mouths opened Illya raised a hand feebly.

"T-take two I suppose" Irisviel laughed a little. Irisviel this time with a reinforced can prepared themselves.

"HAAA!" Shirou yelled.

"Time Alter" Kiritsugu chanted. Shirou yelled and kicked the can shooting it off into the sky.

"Square Accel!" the grass where Kiritsugu stood as he sprinted at four times the speed of the visible eye. Shirou's eyes widen.

"C-Crap run!" everyone scrambled away as Iri looked at them smirking already claiming victory. Not five seconds later Kiritsugu appeared as if he had disappeared as he slid to a stop kicking grass in a crouching position placing the can down he nodded to his wife and the two split up looking for them. Heading into the trees Kiritsugu pocketed his hands and walked calmly between the trees and shrubs. Stopping by a tree he stared it for a second looking at the tree. Turning to it he stared at it intently his cool stare would have scared anyone at the other end of it. Illya felt herself sweat as she covered her mouth to hide her breathing as Kiritsugu stood before her. _I'm a tree, I'm a tree, and I'm a tree _Illya thought desperately hoping the chant would keep her from being found fearing the 'punishment' Irisviel 'forgot' to tell them about. Kuro was on top of the tree while Illya was against the tree trunk using her prana to form a reflecting light field making her technically invisible. However if one looked hard enough they could see the outline. Kuro took to the shadows and used a bit of prana to stick to the shadows. _Illya! Don't get found I'm going to end up feeling twice the punishment! _Kuro thought. Kiritsugu walked away out of sight by some trees and brush. Kuro sighed suddenly the tress rustled and she felt her branch dip a little she froze as she felt the warm breath of someone with the distinct smell of mint gum. Slowly Kuro turned her head and found Kiritsugu crouched on the branch his arms placed around her sides. She stared into his face as he gave off a lazy smirk.

"Hi" he said. Kuro felt herself tremble a little _p-papa that hi is a bit scary. _Kuro thought as she chuckled and waved her hand at Kiritsugu lamely.

"Y-yo" she gave a peace sign. Kiritsugu chuckled and a yelp some leaf's rustling Kiritsugu landed kneeling down Kuro thrown over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Kuro sighed well if Illya didn't get caught that would mean she would only have to deal with her own punishment. Kuro watched as Kiritsugu made a weird motion with his hand placing his middle finger against his inner thumb he placed his hand before the tree. Kiritsugu flicked his finger and Illya's concentration was broken Illya held her head tears brimming in her eyes.

"Oouch papa! Your mean" she said he only chuckled before Illya squealed and found herself like Kuro over Kiritsugus shoulder.

"N-no way how did you find us!?" Kuro protested wiggling about on her fathers' shoulders.

"You both had on perfume I smelt it as soon as I got close" Kiritsugu chuckled. Both girls froze and went slack they remembered that morning.

_***Flashback***_

_**Illya was in the bathroom and looked at the perfume she bought. "With this…yeah I bet Oni-chan will be smitten" Illya put on a moderate amount. Finishing her mourning routine she left and few minutes later Kuro entered the bathroom.**_

"_**This is the perfume Illya bought…I bet to impress Oni-chan…well I can play that game too" Kuro chuckled with glee and put on a good amount of perfume.**_

Both girls were taken to the clearing and Kiritsugu plop them by the can. "It looks like you lost to papa eh girls?" Kiritsugu smirked.

"Illya's to blame wearing perfume for a regular outing." Kuro said Illya glared at Kuro.

"What?"

"Actually I smelt yours Kuro you must have put too much" he patted his girls before pocketing his hands and narrowing his eyes in one direction and walking calmly there. Irsiviel walked and looked about looking for Shirou and their faithful servants. Closing her eyes she focused prana into her ears and listened carefully.

"Caught you!" she snapped her hands up to a tree by her and wires flew from her sleeves like a spear into the tree. Tightening she pulled on the wire and brough her prey to her. Sella cried out as she was yanked off the tree and wus hung upside down. She thanked herself for wearing pants this morning instead of a skirt. Gently lowering her sitting down Irisviel smiled and poked her nose "Gotcha" she smiled. Sella sighed and gave a grin at her mistress.

"Yeah but you unfortunally left yourself unguarded" Sella said and grinned for once she thought she got one over her mistress.

"Huh? Why is that?" Irsiviel cocked her head curiosly.

"We knew Kiritsugu-sama was going to catch Illya and Kuro. Shirou is heading for the can as we speak!" Sella smirked. Lesyritt came out from a bush eating some chips.

"Ah we've been found" she said though she didn't seem all that particularly sad about it.

"I see you have played tircks with your goddess! I shall have to offer you the most powerful of punishments!" Sella almost felt like cowering from her mistress as Irisviel gave a haughty laughed none unlike Illya's friend Luvia. Using her magecraft she made her finger into a gun and fired a concentrated burst of prana into the air before it exploded into a bright flash.

Shioru ran pouring prana into his legs to reinforce them to run as he ran he smirked he could see Illya and Kuro at the end of the end of the trees sitting by the can. He chuckled until he heard a loud thud and then another and then another. He looked behind him arms pumping back and forth Kiritsugu was running RIGHT BEHIND HIM _oh crap he's catching up! _Shirou gawked before pouring more of himself into the run.

"can't catch me old man!" he yelled. Kiritsugu poured prana into his legs and his longer strides were catching up. Shirou broke through into the clearing and his sisters stood up yelling at him to win for them.

"Run Oni-chan! Win!" Illya said.

"Run we have to win for my sake!" Kuro said she was still dreading her punishment. Almost there yes he can almost see it. Alas his blood ran cold as Kiritsugu chanted his usual spell closing in on him faster than he could make his enhanced legs go.

"Time Alter: Double Accel!" Kiritsugu poured on the extra speed Illya and Kuro ducked hugging the ground das Kiritsugu dived! And tackled Shirou onto the floor

"AAAHHHHHH!" Shirou yelled as he felt his midsection before the poor young man in ever his bad luck got a face full of grass as they slid to a stop. "O-ouch" he muttered. Kiritsugu only chuckled standing up dusting himself off.

"Come on Shirou I barely landed on you" he grinned and hauled his son to his feet.

"I think I can taste my heart" he muttered. Kiritsugu laughed and simply helped back as everyone returned to the picnic area. Eating the rest of the food the Emiay's spent the last of their afternoon laying back and relaxing after playing a few less 'damaging' games. Hide and seek that Kiritsugu won and they all had to team up to fight him until Kiritsugu was found smoking a cigar in the starting area ten minutes later. Freeze tag was the most fun one as but again Kiritsugu won it in the end with his physical prowess. Getting late they packed up ready to head home before entering the car however Irisviel gave them their punishment.

"Now to deal out my punishment! If you must all…walk back home!" she said cheerfully.

"Eh? B-but were tired!" Shirou tried.

"I see well I am a merciful goddess and while this punishment is befetting I will allow you amnesty" she began. Before she they could celebrate however Irisviel spoke up again.

"But for leniency you must choose a sacrifice to walk home while the rest of you can ride!" she grinned. Sella spoke first.

"Shirou!" Sella said.

"Shirou" Leysritt added.

"Oni-chan!" Kuro gave a thumbs up.

"S-sorry Oni-chan" Illya bowed truly sorry for this. Shirou watched them all with big eyes.

"E-eh b-but I…ugh fine al see you guys home" Shirou started to walk away until Irisviels topped him hugging him and buried his face in her rather proportionate breast.

"Ah Shirou my little hero always willing to take everyones burden despite the punishment! I will spare you all!" Irisviel declared and everyone cheered. Except Shirou who was muffled betweened Irisviels breast. Kiritsugu leaning against the car only chuckled shaking his head his wife always changing her mind when she fell like it. So came an end to one of the many ordinary days of the Emiya family late in the night Kiritsugu was propped up against some pillows on his bed shirtless Iri clad in only his previous purple button up shirt laid herself on his chest. One of his hands cressed her head the other held her hand tenderly.

"Kiritsugu…do…do you regret it?" Irisviel suddenlty whispered to him her hand tightening on his. Kiritsugu brought her hand and kissed it before kissing his way through her arm and kissed Irisviels lips gently lovingly.

"No…I don't regret destroying the Holy Grail. I love you and I love my children…I couldn't ask for more" he smiled at her. Kissing her lips and he kissed his way down Irisviel giggled as he kissed her milky thighs and she brough her feet up and he placed a chaste kiss on her right foot. Crawling his way up again he kissed her lips one more time before they both settled for bed Kiritsugu discarding his pants favoring his boxers. Snuggled up together they slept soundly and dreamt nothing just simply rested their dream was already a reality.

**First fate fic! This is going to be a series of one-shots in a modified version of the Fate/Keliader universe. With the Emiya family Kotomine family and Tohsaka family getting into their misadventures. Enjoy and tell me how you like it I hope I emulatet Shirous infamous bad luck well as well as Kiritsugu who is a lovable father and husband but still has that Kiritsugu quality about him we all know and love!**

**Next Chapter!: Visiting with the Kotomines!**


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